Dear 2018: The Outfit Diaries

Dear 2018 :

Today is the last day of 2018, a year that seemed to come around unannounced and just yesterday. A brand new time, filled with expectations, excitement, dreams, and desires to experience all the new possibilities yet to come. I started 2018 with many dreams, goals, and desires and I imagine you did too. Eyes sparkling at the thought of all the amazing things yet to come.

It turns out 2018 went by like a blink and it is already about to leave us in the next couple of hours. Beginnings and ends are always thrilling, they bring this energy that you can feel from your gut all the way to your toes with possibilities of the new, but also like any other time in which something is about to end, we tend to hold mixed feelings.

In my case, I am happy for all the things I experienced. The good, but also the ones that might not have seemed so good at the time. I am proud of everything accomplished. Even those things that once upon a time I might have deemed as a failure. I came very far in many areas of my life, my relationships, my work, my dreams, and aspirations, but especially the relationship with myself.

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Dear 2018

There is always something, sad, fearful, and yet exciting when things are about to end. Sad to see some things might never come back and scared to see all those things we believed to be true shake underneath our feet. In the end, also exciting because now there are open possibilities and space for the new. Yet, like many, I can not help to also feel a tiny bit of regret knowing that maybe I could possibly have done much, much more, if I had just discovered some things sooner…

This is, even to my own heart a complete paradox. Because at the same time I kind of wish I could have done all those things, but I also know those “unachieved goals” and everything they bring with them, might have been exactly what I needed and the path that I had to walk down at this time of my life, that will lead me where I am supposed to be.

This is partly because at the beginning of this year I decided to make a big switch and let my life flow, releasing the hopes to control all events and circumstances, because heads up, it does not work very well. And from a perspective of taking the things that I get and make the best of what I have.

Instead of feeling a prisoner of situations, blaming them powerless and unable to choose, this year I have been learning to take everything with a grain of salt. Sometimes with humor, sometimes with a big smile, sometimes with slight anger or frustration and sometimes just with the peaceful feeling that whatever happens is there to teach me something. Not because life is perfect and you have to be positive all the time, indeed you don’t, but because whatever happens now does not define the ending outcome. It does not define you, your worth, your value or your ability to do things and be happy. Only you have power over that and it is at the end of the day your decision to take it or not.

Instead of being extremely hard on myself, something that has been very common in the past, being the overachiever that I can be. Through this year I have been learning to be nicer to myself. Learning not to take circumstances as failures when they did not work as I had originally wished them to, but to take them as tries and lessons. Knowing that the next best thing could be around the corner, and this downstep might be guiding me away from those other things that I might have been blindsidedly pushing for.

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With the years, I have come to realize that some of my best qualities or happiest memories all came from some of my biggest moments of regret, failure, hurt and despair.

That person that might have hurt me as a child and I could blame forever, through that hurt taught me how to have love, empathy, and care for others, instead of hurting them. That apartment that I did not get, led me to meet some of the best people of my whole year and to live beautiful and exciting experiences. That job that I desperately wanted and did not get, gave me the time to work on myself and learn that there are actually bigger things that I wished to accomplish. That person who broke my heart, ended up as collateral making it, maybe, a bit scared but after healing even bigger, giving a new space for new people and especially the right people to fill it.

Bad things and failures have with time become very subjective. And therefore this year I have been trying to let go of the self-put weight on my shoulders and strive to be better, happier, braver, shinier, more loving, more caring, more talented, all those things and more, but all from a place of love and respect for myself and others.

Leaving out the big expectations and focusing on learning through those experiences, because we never stop learning, we never stop growing, and we can never reach perfection, but that does not mean we should not search for improvement. Search to become better without hate, without expectations, but from a place of self-acceptance and love. And following this path this year, these are some of the things that I have learned, or I keep on relearning every day, that I hope can help you too ❤️

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I am enough, you are enough, we all are enough. It is great to want to become better, but know you do it to improve, not because there is currently something wrong with who you are.

Hurt people hurt others, happy people empower them. If someone hurts you do not take it personally, forgive, learn, evaluate your actions and let it go, resentment only hurts you and therefore you also forgive for your sake, not only theirs.

Do not be a victim of the circumstances. Yeah, sh** happens, but it is our choice if you put it aside and keep on walking or you throw yourself into that pile of crap on the floor and you keep on dwelling on it.

Do not shrink yourself to make others comfortable, out of fear of being judged, because of taking too much attention, or for not fitting in. Be true to yourself, life is too short to live it as someone else. It is good to make others comfortable, but it is better to inspire them to also shine as bright as they only can.

If you want something, go for it. It is better to live with a “no” than lifelong lasting regret. There are more possibilities for “yes” than you would have ever thought and the no´s can also make pretty hilarious stories.

Treat yourself, your values and your body with respect. There is only one you, you have only one body and if you love yourself you will have a lifelong relationship that will always accompany you. And when you value and love yourself you are also setting an example for others on how to do it too.

Do more of what makes you happy, but accept the bad days too. Feelings are there to make you aware of something, do not push them away. Learn to enjoy, appreciate and learn from both good and bad days too.

Be happy every day. Not because life it is perfect, not because you should be positive al the time, not because you have to feel good every day, but because if you live your choices you can always find at least a reason to be happy and thankful about.

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The pictures used for this article are from a shoot taken by lovely and extremely talented photographer Katya Ilina and here you can see her photography portfolio.

How was your 2018? I would love to know ❤️

More outfit diaries.


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